I realized in the first part of this story that I glossed over my relationship with my future husband and owner, as if getting used to a new relationship dynamic was somehow easy. Yeah, it wasn't. I want to walk through our progress from tenuous relationship to committed marriage and ownership. I want to show new pups a glimpse of what they might one day want. I want to brag (just a bit) about how far my owner and I have come in our journey together as a household. Let's start at the very beginning, as I'm told it's a very good place to start.
Fox and I had already been close – I had even gotten clearance in my previous relationship to have him as a cuddle surrogate in times of need – but our courtship held so many surprises for him. He had his kinks, but most of them were most easily expressed by art and photography rather than interaction. I'm not even sure if he knew there was a BDSM community, and he had certainly never dated anyone who was involved in it. I knew that most of the more extreme kinks I wanted to explore weren't going to be easy to introduce to him. It's hard to say “hey honey, before we have sex next time, please light me on fire” if your partner isn't aware that that's a thing people do sometimes.
We were lucky, as our relationship started to bloom right as I discovered petplay. This seemed comparitively simple – no one had to get hurt, no one was getting electrocuted, stabbed, branded, or choked out. This will be easy to explain, I thought. Turns out, he had a friend who delved into role play and escapism to the point that they could no longer function, and of course Fox was worried when I explained petplay in similar terms. Days of deep discussion led to a breakthrough – the control of a D/s dynamic would be my safety net. We agreed on several levels of safety; triggers for beginning and ending puppy headspace, check-in discussions after every session, aftercare as a slow transition back to people-space.
Our first few sessions were rocky to say the least. He had always had terrible allergies, so he had never been allowed a pet before. He literally had no idea how to take care of an animal, much less care for an animal that had been a human just a moment before. I felt awful trying to teach him. There is something that feels so strange trying to train one's owner, but we both agreed that our mutual journey required input from both of us. Weeks passed, and I finally started to feel natural curled up at his feet. Something was still missing though, some part of our dynamic still felt incomplete.
A trip to a store provided me with the epiphany that saved our dynamic – a child in a cart, a parent trying desperately to reason with their inconsolable offspring. I realized that scene was awfully familiar, for it was us. Fox treated his puppy like a friend, not his dog – and although I appreciated all the affection, I never saw him as my pack leader, my Alpha. I realized that family needed what mine needed – a true hierarchy. Limits set and enforced with quiet compassion, affection and bonding that inspire a desire to follow, guidance that never feels too harsh or too easily circumvented. Shortly after we got married, we decided to begin obedience training.
Following some advice from other pups online, we chose a foreign language to train in – both to enfoce the headspace, and to clearly set aside when I could let go of my daily life. He chose a dialect of Dutch, substituting words I might understand with others of similar meaning. Our scenes would now consist of a few commands and tricks first, and rewards of play based on how quickly I learned the day's lessons. It changed EVERYTHING. I found myself responding to his commands, only realizing I had done the right one after my body had moved into the correct position. I completely stopped wanting to laugh or talk if something funny happened during play. Gone was awkwardness, gone was that feeling that here I was, a grown woman sitting on the floor barking and begging for treats. I was no longer his wife, I was his dog. It's the coolest thing, and it's such a shame I have trouble explaining the beauty of it to my more vanilla friends. Although not everyone knows I'm his pup, everyone sees how we've grown together. He's more confident and willing to be decisive while not losing his nurturing demeanor. I'm more willing to follow his lead without either being combative or being a doormat. We're damn near perfect for each other and it shows whenever we're together.
I had spent most of my life feeling like a stray animal – always in need of guidance, in need of a home to call my own, in need of a place to belong. After almost a year of being his puppy, I'm beginning to see the true beauty of our dynamic. Our communication, our trust, our commitment to give 100% every day; these things have brought about a change in both of us. When I hear his commands I feel compelled to obey. When he beckons me to lay down at his feet I feel at home. When he calls me his “beste meisje” I know I belong.